The Feminine Mystique

Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's CEO has just published a book, "Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead." I haven't read the book but I have read the article written in the Economist, March 16th edition.
Ms. Sandberg believes that women derail their own careers. She refers to it as 'leaning back' during meetings or sitting in a corner and not at the table. She believes that women question their capacity and ability to lead more than men do. They demand less with respect to pay rises and promotions. Moreover, she proclaims that women apply for positions when they 'feel' their qualifications match the position 100% whereas men apply if they meet 60% of the requirements. Much of this she attributes to the reality that one day women will have a family because of this they often accept less meaningful jobs. In turn, women pass up chances to take on more responsibility at work. Sandberg says, "Don't leave, before you leave."
Sandberg argues that a woman's most important career decision is whom she will marry. Will she have someone to help with domestic chores or will she be asked to sacrifice her career to support her partner?
But Sandberg doesn't think that women are entirely responsible for their lack of leadership because corporate structures and cultures work against them. Maternity leave is almost non-existent in the U.S. In Canada, a year of maternity leave is given (6 months maternity leave and 6 months either maternity or paternity). But this isn't the only deterrent child care costs have risen twice as median incomes which means returning to work makes little financial sense.
Her book, 'Lean In', appears exactly 50 years after "The Feminine Mystique", in which Betty Friedman argues that traditional gender roles compartmentalized women as homemakers, to their and society's detriment. Friedman's argument inspired a generation of feminists, who lobbied for equal treatment and professional opportunity for women.
But "Lean In" is not revolutionary according to the Economist because it is written for women who, like Sandberg, have expensive educations, good salaries, self-confidence and progressive partners. She does not address what women should do if, after they lean in, they find themselves pushed back.
They find "Lean In" to be a brave attempt at an uncomfortable subject in corporate America.
I haven't read "Lean In", but I will.
I am certain that Sandberg makes some valid points with respect to the glass ceiling.
I was raised in a farming community. There were no distinctions between men and women or boys and girls. If there was work to be done we couldn't opt out based on gender. At an early age, the same age as my brothers, I was driving a tractor and throwing 70 lbs. bails of hay onto a wagon. I learned to run a chainsaw, shoot a gun, operate most power tools and essentially run with the boys. It never occurred to me that the work place would be any different. It wasn't until I was in my early twenties that I discovered that equal opportunities had a twist. Even though, I had been raised by someone who had equal expectations for all of us on the farm those expectations didn't transfer into life outside the farm. My father raised me to be tough, strong, iron-willed and relentless. This is what he expected and it was what I learned to expect from myself. I never considered limitations.
I was a late bloomer on the education front. I went back to school at the age of 24 with the high hopes to go to law school - all politicians seemed to have a law degree since politics was my lifelong goal it seemed fitting. So that was my plan. When I was in my second year I got pregnant with my first child.  During my pregnancy it never occurred to me that I would change my long-term plans. I wrote an exam when my son was 10 days old and returned to school when he was 5 weeks old. I wanted to take full advantage of maternity leave. I worked 30 hours a week and attended full-time classes throughout my pregnancy. I had a plan. But something happened when my son was born. It wasn't hormonal or spurred on by anything other than the hard, cold fact that I fell hopelessly in love with this tiny, individual who needed me. Yes, he needed me. It wasn't something contrived or an issue of gender instead it was an instinctive response. And so, I made some changes not initially but gradually. I continued going to school and working because we couldn't afford it any other way. I worked the night shift at a grocery store it was a union job so the pay was decent and my husband worked during the day. We were a tag team. When our daughter was born less than 2 years later I continued with school and work but added a small business to my to do list. Then I took a break from school. In the back of my mind I still toyed with going to law school but I wanted to be the primary caregiver.
When my third child was two years old I returned to school full-time and completed my degree. By that time I was 35 years old still trying to decide what I would do with my life because according to those who are keeping score - myself included - I hadn't accomplished much despite the fact that I was raising 3 children, working 30 hours a week, running my own business and volunteering for a variety of organizations and associations.
Then 40 came and went. Now, I am 50 years old and still toying with what to do with my life. My life has been full - it has been a good life - sure I haven't done all the things I set out to do and I'm still toying with that. I'll get there!
The point I need to address is this: my father raised me to be able to do anything I wanted - no limitations but when I became a mother he changed his tune. When I told him I wanted to continue my education he said, "You should focus on your family let your husband worry about earning a living." He didn't seem to realize that I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom it was unaffordable. I had to work. I wanted to work but there had to be a balance. As a result, I had to work at jobs that were meaningless. When I told him I was going to run for public office he thought I shouldn't take it on. My father symbolizes what women face: run like hell as fast as you can into a wall. Well I am still running like hell most of the time in too many directions. I want to do so much: write that Pulitzer Prize novel,  finish one of the twenty screen plays I've started, and last but not least be the next Prime Minister of Canada. The crazy thing about it all is that I believe I can do all of those things even though my father might try to deter me because what he doesn't realize is that regardless of what he tells me he was the first person to demonstrate that women can do anything they want to do.
Yes, we will be mothers - I wouldn't have it any other way. We can have it all but not always at the same time. What has to happen is that when we are ready...... for example when we are 50 years old and our schedule is cleared - get out of the way because "sisters are doing it for themselves".